A plethora of possibilities, an impossible conundrum.

When I'm left alone with my thoughts all day, I receive inspiration and revelations. However, they always conflict.

I realize there is so much I want to achieve. So many things I wish to possess, and so many ambitions to create change. In essence, there are so many different lives I want to live.

That was all well and good, but now I am beginning a truly adult life and a truly independent life. It means I must make a decision on which dream to follow. This isn't an "I'll choose door three" type of decision however. It is the one that decides my happiness. How do you choose which life to live when you are passionate about so many different things?

Door one:

(the lifelong dream)

Career: actress

Place of residence: Wherever the work takes me

Goal of a lifetime: Academy Award (I scoff at my own naivety)

Side project: Philanthropy

Difficulty level: EXTREME

Probability: Highly unlikely/slim-to-none

Downfalls: Maintaining a family, a long, grueling industry almost impossible to conquer, many sacrifices will have to be made along the way and financial insecurity is inevitable, must be able to handle great deals of change.

Door two:

(the reoccurring dream)

Career: doctor

Place of residence: somewhere green with prolific vegetation, somewhere steady and unchanging. Some permanent residence.

Goal of a lifetime: Making a significant difference in human lives, healing.

Side project: Raising a family, keeping a home.

Difficulty level: EXTREME

Probability: Unlikely. If I could access the potential it takes to maintain such a demanding and difficult career, more probable than door one

Downfalls: I am already behind in this track of life, takes ultimate concentration, intelligence and stability, my lack of knowledge is astounding.

Door Three:

(my soul's dream)

Career: political figure/leader/philanthropist/creator of change

Place of residence: Wherever the work takes me

Goal of a lifetime: Make a significant difference in the world, restore peace and in essence, I wish to save the world (again with the scoffing)

Side project: Maintaining a family

Probability: ...

Downfalls: I am not even close to being on this career track.

Each of these dreams are highly ambitious and take 110% dedication and a lifetime of education, loads of money and focus. They are so different and I am at a major fork in the road. How can I make such a decision, I don't know the repercussions that can come from these tracks. How can I make strides towards a life, if I don't even know which life I wish to pursue? How can I focus, when my mind is plagued with personal, mortal issues. How does one overcome such issues and waft through the minutia in order to pursue goals, dreams and career paths?

No matter what, I want to be a learned person who understands life, the universe and how to change the world for the better. I want to be a scholar, immersed in literature, theatre and cinema, and a performer, a healer, and a wife (one day FAR from today), I want to travel and see the world. I want to know who I am, understand myself. Make a difference. Help people. Explore. Excavate. Yet I feel like as large as my dreams are, what am I doing about it? All of my dreams seem possible in essence... and on a logical level, IMPOSSIBLE.